Friday, November 19, 2010

Rock Peeing...Do Not Try This At Home!

WARNING: Graphic Images Ahead!

As terrific as trail riding is and that I love it so much...there is one aspect that I really hate! PEEINGONTHEFUCKINGTRAIL!!! (25 cents in the cuss jar) Most trail heads have restrooms or at least honeybuckets for a pee before mounting up. Then there's always the horse trailer in the case where no other option is available before hitting the trail. However sometime before the 2 hour in the saddle mark...I need to stop. I do ride a few trails in the desert and PNW that do have a honeybucket at select spots on the trail...however the majority of the trails I ride have "nofuckingpowderrooms"!( 25 cents in the cuss jar) That leaves only one option...in the PNW, you hand your horse over to a riding buddy to hold while you pick a big tree for cover because you already know that if you take him with you as you are squatted down...he will nudge you until you fall over to the ground with your pants down around your ankles. Been there done that...no thanks! However in the desert...99% of the time...there are no trees...and you search for a large bush or rock to hide your bare bottom.
All this being said...there is a trick I will share with you about dodging the inevitable river of pee that will chase you no matter how carefully you have tried to place your feet. This is not a worry for my boots but there is one rule I try never to break. NO PEEING ON THE CHINKS!!! When squatted down the fringe drags the ground and is impossible to contain both sides of fringe while in this humiliating position. A friend shared the trick of finding a rock or log to sit on. Doing this will help control any river of pee and splatter that comes with peeingonthefuckingtrail ( 25cents in the cuss jar)
I am sure you have all heard the expression  "Does A Bear or Cowgirl Shit in the Woods?"

To be continued in the near future after one too many shots of COWGIRL COURAGE!!!
Your Desert Rose!

5 comments:

  1. Your are too funny! How many mimosas did you have on this ride? I would be looking for a rock every few feet!! LOL! Glad you're having good rides minus the potty rooms! You could be freezing your A** off like me here in heartland! It was 28 here today and I spent most of it outside in the cold! I'm ready to move west! SO sick of it!

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  2. That's Desert Rose...always markin her territory! Are you riding commando?

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  3. I thought that Baby Doll was the only one who peed on your chinks!!

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  4. Ewww! Yeh, where's your cowgirl panties? lol!


    ~Lisa

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We wish you Happy Trails
Jesse and his Desert Rose!