Prozac For Cowgirls!

For my PNW Pony Cousins...I'll be joining you soon, but I'm gonna take my Prozac first ;)))
Your Desert Rose!

Trail Slut...and Proud of it!

A few years back our Pony Cousins were trying to decide on a location to hold our yearly roundup weekend with our ponies. I had made a comment that I was hoping to explore our options and maybe try new places every year, even though the ranch we had been going to was fabulous, I was hoping for some more challenging trail options. during the debate on our online Pony Cousin group my niece Pony Girl made mention of the fact that my trail experience was more extensive than the rest of the cousins who felt very at ease and comfy with the current trails. I did not intend to respond in a comic way...it just kinda went that way ;))) So thank you Pony Girl for inspiring me to take an honest look at myself and my trails!

The Desert Rose at her Trail Sluttiest!

This email is in response to my Pony girl's previous comment to my
"trail expertise" of the group. NO.......she did not call me a "trail
whore", one who rides trails for money! But there was a hint of
insinuating that I was a "trail slut", one who rides many trails to
reduce the monotony of riding the same old boring trail. Yes, I do
admit that I am excited by a new trail, never knowing what lies ahead,
the possible breath taking thrills and the hint of danger . The
anticipation of such a ride makes my skin tingle days before the
encounter. I also admit that the "bigger the ride" the more
gratification is felt after the ride, although that is NOT always the
case. Some "big rides" have left me unsatisfied and wanting for more. I
have also been know to ride several different trails in as many days.
This does not mean I do not have special fondness for certain trails
that have always given me a good ride. There are some trails that I
deem to dangerous (even for me) and others that I would never ride
again because I seemed to sleep right through the experience. Sometimes
I like to ride many trails on the same day, sometimes called a 3 some!
I have ridden as many as 5 trails, one after the other. This called a
trail gang bang. There have been a few times given enough cowgirl
courage that I did not remember the trail I had ridden the day before.
Then a month later I start to recognize the chiseled rock or the cool
wet banks of the stream. It soon all flows back to me and it is a
double thrill. I have no shame in being a "trail slut" as it has made
me the cowgirl I am today. And.....since most of you.......have ridden
the trails I ride, and now are in the business of of horses in one way
or another yourselves, ask yourself. What kind of trail cowgirl do do
want to be?????? Oh sure, always be true to one trail ( called "safe
trail") or you can lust for adventure and be a "cowgirl trail slut" and
have the rides of your life!
The sea is full of trails, why ride just one?
Proud to be a "Trail Slut"
Your Desert Rose!

Lizzy Rose's 1st Horsey Ride!

Here Is Pupperoni's first ride on Jesse Pollin with MOMMY!


OK...I was gonna save this for Christmas....but couldn't wait! (Ya...I held back... some photos)

Jesse is NOT so sure about Pupperoni steeling his thunder!

Your Desert Rose!

Once Bitten...

Seems little Willie Mae Jane has been bitten by the HORSE FLY and her symptoms have become increasingly apparent to all!

Poor little stick pony...

Your Desert Rose!

Happy Halloween!!!

Never to early for a "Good Buck"!
Your Desert Rose!

This Could come in handy!

If any of you have done this...you may need this!!!

There is no law against texting & riding...YET!

Texting for Horse People ;-)

 OOH - out of hay
 LAS - lost a shoe
BBM - bastard just bit me
FOMHL - Fell Off My Horse Laughing
FTC - Forgot the carrots
 MIHA - Mare's in heat, again
 IPTI - I'll pick up tennis instead
LWW - Lesson went well
 MSMBO - mud sucked my boot off
 HSIH - Horse Snot in Hair
 HAO - Hay All Over
 HIMB - Hay in My BRA
 PIHH - Poop Induced Half Halt
 UD - Unplanned Dismount
 PTTDG - Prayed to the Dirt God
 MMM - Master Manure Mucker
 OOM - Out of money
 MHTS - More horses than sense
BAHHFDP- bought another horse, husband filed divorce papers
 GBBF - got board bill, fainted
GFBF - got farrier bill, fainted
 HRHCF - husband realized horse costs, fainted
 SLH - Smell like horse
DQFOY - Dressage Queen fell off – yippee
HTNHFH - Hiding the new horse from hubby
 WWFNS - Will work for new saddle
 AROGC - Arena rained out - going crazy
 SSB - saddle sore butt
 BTLGR - b###hy trainer left - good riddance
 ALIGAR - At least I got a ribbon
NLT - No lesson today
 HGR - Have a great ride!
Your Desert Rose!

The Bossman...How he got his name!

In today's world it has become important for us all to protect our "real" lives which is why animals get their REAL names used...but on my blog...HUMANS all have an alter ego!!! Hence THE BOSSMAN!!!! He was quite offended when I gave him this "alter ego" and pretty much said..."I am a slave"!!! Hence this post to let you all see that I indeed did give him the correct "alter ego"!!! And you should cast your vote...does the BOSSMAN think he is boss???

The following is an email from the Bossman... sent to Baby Doll, The Ghost Rider and myself before out last ride!

Ready to leave as close to seven as possible (picking up lunch).
Time in saddle 4.5

Lunch 1.0

Driving 1.5
Packing bags .5
Mimosas .5
Looking for trail 1.0
Mimosa .5
Pea stops .5

Go back for items .5

Mimosa .5
Sound about right????

Then of course is my response to him...

The most important question IS THERE SNOW UP THERE???????

The way you DRIVE...SHAVE 1/2 HOUR OFF OF THAT!!!
I WILL pee...when I need to! ( that is a BETHISM...only she did NOT want me to PEE!!!)
You are the one that LOST the trail....why charge me for 1 hour???
Mimosa...if you would mix them ahead of time...we could save . 5 in time!

Oh heck...we are the ONLY ones that would put up with each other!

Your Desert Rose!

Oh Santa Baby!

You know...I always love seeing a well dressed cowboy cleaned up after a long hard day on the trail. So imagine my surprise to run into this guy at NFR COWBOY CHRISTMAS!

I would have thought that he was to busy to travel before Christmas...let alone be gone for 10 days to the NFR held in Las Vegas. However...Cowboy Santa surely must know,

 "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"

Even with that in mind...I knew that I just needed to reassure Cowboy Santa a teeny weeny bit... that I was a good Cowgirl the rest of the year!

Think I over did it??? Oh Santa Baby!!!
Your Desert Rose!

COWGIRL HUMOR!

Guess this Cowboy...should not have pissed me off!
Your Desert Rose!

Cowboy Shopping!

The National Finals Rodeo was again...perfect! The shopping has always been the real reason for my trip...let's face it, I could watch the NFR on ESPN. This year however I was pleasantly surprised to find that a new shopping experience was available for those Cowgirls needing an upgrade from their current model. The  cleaver merchandising of this product showcases all of the products best features and allows views from all possible angles.

The product was willing to position himself for a closer inspection for any flaws!

And the product was even willing to demonstrate some of his more popular features!

You'll just have to guess what that feature was!

I do have one complaint about the merchandising technique...it does not allow for a "HANDS ON" inspection. This is one product that I recommend a "HANDS ON" experience before taking the product home as your new upgrade!

I am totally satisfied with my current model and have no plans to upgrade...but it never hurts to window shop!

Your Desert Rose!

The Pain in the Ass Rain!

My last ride before heading to the PNW for the Thanksgiving holiday was...at the very least, unexpected! Hello...the reason I became a "snowbird" was to...get away from the snow and RAIN! However there were 2 very good things about the ride...ok 4.

1. It was the 1st ride that I have had with the "GHOST RIDER" in a few years...boy did we get into trouble in the past...maybe that is why she stopped riding with me??? NO...medical reasons, not me & the trouble!

2. Cowgirl was with us...The Ghost Rider is her mom and I have sure missed her beautiful, smiling, yellow lab face!

3. The Ghost Rider has a new horse...a Peruvian Paso Fino and he and Lady were absolutely perfect on this very windy & wet ride!

Little Shanna Lady Rose is wet and shivering before our ride. Her eyes seem to be saying...MOM, did you forget that you melt in the rain??? Or was it MOM did you forget that I may melt down in the rain???

And just look at that saddle!!! Do you think I am gonna put my dainty little ass in that wet thing???

Well...yup I did and we rode the Fern Canyon/Vandeventer/Palm Cayon trail, over 3 hours of drizzle and on every corner heading Northwest the wind just about blew us off our horses!!! We voted it the 3rd windiest ride we had had together!!!

I have yet to mention the 4th reason the ride was so good...

Yup...we almost won the pot of gold lottery!

When we finally got back to the trailer our little butts were colder than a witches tit...it felt like we had peed in our pants! We wisely decided to eat our lunch back at the stable in the comfort of my dry tack room.

Your Desert Rose!

Rock Peeing...Do Not Try This At Home!

WARNING: Graphic Images Ahead!

As terrific as trail riding is and that I love it so much...there is one aspect that I really hate! PEEINGONTHEFUCKINGTRAIL!!! (25 cents in the cuss jar) Most trail heads have restrooms or at least honeybuckets for a pee before mounting up. Then there's always the horse trailer in the case where no other option is available before hitting the trail. However sometime before the 2 hour in the saddle mark...I need to stop. I do ride a few trails in the desert and PNW that do have a honeybucket at select spots on the trail...however the majority of the trails I ride have "nofuckingpowderrooms"!( 25 cents in the cuss jar) That leaves only one option...in the PNW, you hand your horse over to a riding buddy to hold while you pick a big tree for cover because you already know that if you take him with you as you are squatted down...he will nudge you until you fall over to the ground with your pants down around your ankles. Been there done that...no thanks! However in the desert...99% of the time...there are no trees...and you search for a large bush or rock to hide your bare bottom.

All this being said...there is a trick I will share with you about dodging the inevitable river of pee that will chase you no matter how carefully you have tried to place your feet. This is not a worry for my boots but there is one rule I try never to break. NO PEEING ON THE CHINKS!!! When squatted down the fringe drags the ground and is impossible to contain both sides of fringe while in this humiliating position. A friend shared the trick of finding a rock or log to sit on. Doing this will help control any river of pee and splatter that comes with peeingonthefuckingtrail ( 25cents in the cuss jar)

I am sure you have all heard the expression  "Does A Bear or Cowgirl Shit in the Woods?"

To be continued in the near future after one too many shots of COWGIRL COURAGE!!!

Your Desert Rose!

Stars & Stripes...PONY COUSIN STYLE!

We pledge the allegiance...to the bra
from the Victoria Secret catalogue
2 boobs...under wire
with cleavage and support for all.

YES...one Pony cousin "misplaced" a certain striped garment at our recent PONY COUSIN STAMPEDE. And in spite of her constant interrogation of the younger cousins, her constant wondering, then searching for said garment...it failed to "turn up". That is until it "showed up" Sunday morning, the day of our rodeo! Yes...those younger cousins had kidnapped the favorite bra, and held it hostage before running it up the flag pole to wave ever proud with "Old Glory"!

As if the humiliation of the entire population of ranch guests viewing the garment waving at them in the gentle breeze was not enough...the above "pledge" was recited by all of the PONY COUSINS before the start of our rodeo!

I personally think it was the stripes that gave those younger cousins the idea...

Your Desert Rose!

The Joke's on YOU!!!

Most of you know by now that the PONY COUSINS sure to love to have fun whether on or off their ponies! But...did you know that we are considered MASTER PRANKSTERS??? We come by this trait naturally...from our PONY COUSIN side of the family. We grew up watching our aunts & uncles playing pranks and jokes on each other as adults just like they did in their childhood. For the most part...our PONY COUSIN pranks in the past have been fairly mild, short and sweet kinds of things...until last year when the CUZETTES waged war on their mothers & aunts! These young and perky cowgirls got it into their heads to scare the living daylights otta one innocent sleeping cabin...by sneaking into it in the dark and jumping on the beds of the unaware occupants. Since that time...there has been an ever increasing lack of trust between the generations within the PONY COUSINS that seems to have taken on a life of it's own.

Case in point at our recent 2010 PONY COUSIN STAMPEDE...the 6 Cuzsettes in attendance this year decided to play a practical joke on our dear sweet Cousin E who would never even harm a horse fly. They took advantage of her wonderful nature and plastered her true love heart's contents any and everywhere they could in her cabin. I was able to capture this sick act on digital film as proof of this demented prank!!!

This is NOT recommended viewing for the faint of heart!

Oh what wicked Cowchildren we have raised!

Your Desert Rose!